Being a mum, Christmas is a mixed feelings of both excitement for the kids knowing the list they made to Santa, (if good) will hopefully come true, but at the same time such sadness. Its the time of year we miss our loved ones who have passed away more than ever and if your anything like me is constantly thinking …..if only. If only my lovely mum (who died 9 years ago to Breast Cancer aged 42) was here with her 6 Grandchildren enjoying playing with the toys, If only she was watching the Christmas films, If only at night time when all my family come up to my house to carry the night on, singing and dancing to the party songs she was here to enjoy as she used to.
For the 2nd year now its more upsetting as my Nana (my mums mum) is no longer here. I find this so hard as my nana met and bonded with the children. Lauren especially is always saying “I wish nana was here” Its so hard to try and keep my eyes from watering and lip quivering and replying to her question as I don’t want them to see Im upset again. I find it so sad too when Ive caught them talking to pictures of my nana. I quietly listen to what they say to the frame, its just heartbreaking, hearing how they feel.
I know there not coming back and as people ALWAYS say ” Time is a Healer” but to be truthful it isn’t. The raw emotion like it happened yesterday is so over whelming at times, and for anyone out there I know you will probably agree with me. Everytime I hear Bandaid,and The Pogues its just an instant reminder and there played all the time. Tears well up straight away.
Merry Christmas to the best mum and nana. You both taught me to be the mum I am, I like to think I learned from the best. You both live on in the kiddies and with that it makes me very proud. We’ll all be raising a glass Christmas Day when all the family meet. Thinking of those who have joined you since