It’s 10 years since my life changed forever….I was pregnant with my 1st child and got the news my mum was dying. She had breast cancer, successfully won but went onto develop into a tumour in her brain. 7 month into my pregnancy she passed away, she was 42.
Having just been to the cemetry to lay flowers, the only way we can be together, makes me so upset. We should be going out for lunches, phoning each other, rowing over silly things and mine and my sisters children should be staying over at their nannnas. Instead questions such as “Why is nanna in heaven?” “Where is your mum” Innocent questions that the children ask as they do know they have a nanna in heaven, but questions that break my heart. I still cry most days over her as she was mum/dad/friend all in one.
Its 10 years, shouldnt you be over it ?
Until a person lives the experience of grief, somebody close to you that has died, in my opinion I dont think you will ever get over it. People have suggested councilling, and I did try it whilst pregnant (which was the wrong time) but throughout them sessions I was coming home completely devastated, even worse than when I had walked into the session. I would love to be able to talk of my mum and not feel so sad and upset, I cant. I just miss her so much
Am I Bitter?
In a way I suppose I am. My mum should be here watching me and my sister have got married, watching her son who is now 18 Graduate from College, be able to watch her grandchildren at school plays, and for her …for her life to have carried on being the wonderful person she was. As the saying goes “Gone Too Soon”
Things Happen For A Reason?
I truly believe this saying, and if this would have been said to me 10 years ago, you would have got a very negative reply from me. My family and I since her death have been threw more traumatic and life changing circumstances that some families would never encounter. The only reassurance I get from her death is she has made me and my sister the mums/people we are today. With the kids diagnosis of FACS me and my husband have had to literally do everything on our own. I know if she would have been here, the kiddies would always have been at nannas ::)) Something we have never done. I also know after 10 years if I can semi get through (and still be here) the hardest period of my life, I can get through and achieve anything. She has made Kerrie, Kieran (my brother & sister) and myself strong people with a different view of life.
Do you ever get over grief?
My opinion is no….. you learn to live with it. Im finding the older Im getting and especially since Ive had the kids its been getting harder. Talking of my mum to the children, reliving memories can be so funny but then you get the innocent questions that are so hard to answer. My husband Joe once said “Your not the Emma I met” and hand on heart I never will be. Apart from the kids, the biggest and most influential person was taken so young and so soon and it has changed me as a person. It just doesnt seem fair, their are such wicked and evil people out there who go on to live for years and years, yet it seems the best go too soon.
If you are reading this blog and someone close to you has died recently, all I can say is take each day, day by day. Some days will be worse than others. You wont want to get out of bed, you may spend all day in tears and in my case feel….”Whats the point in carrying on” Threw my experience councilling or alternative therapies never worked for me but may help you so do try them. Grief affects everyone differently in so many ways but deep down the only person that can help is yourself.
Samaritans : http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you